please dont lose me in the crowd

today was qt a :) day,
despite having a 3 hour mind boggling sesh of math tuition which helped me maybe a tad..i absolutely loathe a.p + g.p!! ugh. am still very foggy about applying the concept on the problem sums. and im feeling rather awful that im not doing my work like i ought to! :|

okay anyway point is
i met tings! :D :D met her and syl at ps, they were lunching at ajisen. then we did our brows and dragged our lazy asses to wisma! got a proj shop top and she got the bag i wanted, im gonna get it another day hahah up to our usual identical stuff again, haha. saw don + brendan on the way!

then got her biotherm, and walked ALL around, getting food for famished+greedy me and also met hwing and -, hahah. AND will people jst fuck it with the rumours. its very pissing hearing all these sadly preposterously lame and completely untrue gossips flying all around. she is NOT a flirt or blah blah. shut your mouths for a moment and think about other people's feelings for god's sake. check your facts. and think about how your flippant words affected and hurt people. okay im getting quite worked up but this is so ironic, the same situation applies for sajc. whatever la. after going to jc i realised people can be so shockingly fake to your face esp whn they dnt evn knw shit about you. okay okay whatever. grr. im getting very annoyed.

moving on,
we went to her place after spending like, 4hours in town (majority of the time spent walking around getting FOOD) doing practically nth excpt get a few items and EAT..was superb talking for hours :) am loving and missing that girlie very much, lao peng you! :D theres always something to talk and laugh about, whether its something mighty exciting or exhilerating or something mellow. ac sounds fun! am very happy for you :) and thrs a straight bus from my house to hers! and the same bus goes to cj too. and j8, where i mostly meet ree, and also to steph's place! am jst amazed by ths similarity in route. and The Bus is, 156! yay, super bus. okay whatever wendy. but isnt it amazing!

anyhoo,
ystd i went queensway w sam, charmaine and lynette..got my adidas shoes! for running! nw jiang wont mock me for falling down in my 'Barbie Doll' shoes (my gallaz arent barbie at all, i dont knw why people kp..labelling me with these yikesy terms that nvr happened bfore whn i ws happily in st nicks/cj okayokay but For Fun yes i am kelly, barbie's daughter :((((() then met hwing, had dinner at the turk restaurant, a certain Swaku girl hasnt heard of it bfore haha and she Ms Piggyly went and had chicken rice right after that! hahah and btw im secretly very impressed with her netball skills..like every ball gets in! :O

hrm, soccer match in sa was pretty exciting, haha

lynette and her greenie, no1 in her heart :D :D okay shes gna kill me if she ever stalks me and reads ths..

and yes, had a mini talk w jien and maylene, would like to let out my frustrations and announce im straight as a straight line and erm, i cannot help it tht my gesticulating and actions are b (as mentioned above) :|

shall not talk abt ths anymore,
tings & syl cheer up! :)

argh. math test on thurs, math tutorial and ecoMs hmwk to be handed in on monday.
ladidadumsy :(

btw, congrats cj dance for excellently clinching a gold in syf dance and being placed 3rd in dancworks!! highly wow :) da, am very happy for+proud of you :)

sam, ah man ive been very consciously implementing the before 6 rule. but the thing is, i have been STUFFING myself before 6!! rahh..nono, cannot close dwn, its the last year we cn enjoy the food! and you wont exactly want to hv no prata / nasi lemak / western food etc dyou!? hahah. anw did you find your arena in the end? hw was polo?

ELE! why did you text me!! what happened dear girl?!? -hugs.

hwing dno whn you'll get to read ths, with your laopok comp :| but anyway im glad you guys talked things through :) am really happy for you :D :D

i realise i kp feeling very happy for people
i dont evn know hw i feel anymore.
okay whatever.
not in the mood for melancholicness,
night everyone! :)

// no, she doesnt know what shes missin

rumour mill

gp sucks, got a very boring teacher and im very bored..
and btw, all rumours are not true!
-rolls eyes.
whatever.

you forget where the heart is

as usual, time has been flying by zzz
i cant exactly recall what ive been doing!
probably some random stuff :|

anw our slack period has ended :(
just got our timetable ystd,
no more attending lectures when we feel like it, or STUFFING ourselves with food (okay scratch that, we still do), or being sporty_galzZ or playing cards..or slacking in the sc, flipping magazines and enjoying the aircon whenever we please..

today was too dreary and brain boggling,
strictly math and econs for the entire morning
was too much for me to bear!
jiang went BALLISTIC, we all were highly annoyed with the math lecturer, cussing and swearing as we popped our heads trying to decipher all the sums laid before our eyes. haha alas the situation improved..but only toward the end of the lesson. and it wasnt too long before we got confused by another question again. rahh, i hate math!!
and i was wearing my specs and looking like some freak / nerd / bo shi (professor), oh gross. but whatever, no eye candy to be wary of. hahah. anw the point is i always feel migraine-ish / sickly after wearing specs and today was no exception :(

and i cant believe i ate THREE palm size char siew baos and FOUR fat juicy har gaus at crystal jade just now! im mortified and aghast with myself. ugh :(
FAT BITCH.
tmrw i shall go for either hockey or touch rug and feel less guilty.
:( :(

ystd i went ikea for lunch cum dinner. and had haagen dazs too. goodness gracious! :| gossiped (tsk tsk) till the rain slacked off and went to this girl's house to play soccer..erm. i was stretching and accidentally whacked off some random seashell decoration off the wall. yikes. im so sorry! anyway i decided that i really dont like soccer (boring!) so i shall not join that..

went to steph's place in the evening and we watched her favourite episode of the oc :D :D was very sticky and gross (played bball, ran a few rounds, played frisbee and ran after a bus, being such sporty galzz :|) and she, sickly and cold, so we were both so grouchy and looney (she was looney, swooning over some random OLD AND AGED hongkong drama serial, claiming it was VERY SWEET ?!?!?! and also annoying the hell out of me, so i sat there and frowned at her through it all hahah) it took us a while to get our asses off the couch. after we both bathed and smelt nice and felt better, we went to her club..had sandwich and studied a bit..nice ambience :) apart for the fact that we felt like we were doing homework in someone's kitchen. (insert perplexed look here haha)

was practically sleep walking all the way back. lids couldnt attempt to defy gravity at all. YAWN.

oh!
suddenly rememebered about cj gossip (okay gossip sounds negative, i shall label them as news..) / news ive been hearing..and i realise
people are so unpredictable and FAKE,
everything changes,
rumours are just flying around
but some of it so untrue! makes my blood boil just hearing them..
hrmpf.

anyway.
wiffa! hope youre feeling better :) its always the best to think things through right? love!

tings HMRPF. hahah. love you la. meet up soon okay?!??!?! -glares!!

i need hair accesories! theyve mysteriously vanished once again..

i hate math :(
and i have 2.5hrs of free period ALONE, me myself and i.
loner / nerd / bo shi !! >:(
i shall try and configure the mystery of math.

okay just ignore me, im randomly ranting. very sleepy!

alrighty. mini's fully charged.
off!

have fun in school, eveyone !!

way AWAYY

so much has happened
-winks ESPECIALLY at hwing
TEEHEE.
im so excited for her, the thought of her and - makes me smile like a retard. though im far away in sa :D spread the love! hahah.

and in case youre wondering, i dont care anymore anyway. theres no need for avoidance. im so disappointed.

anyway. i got the sa foolscap (2 of each kind) and econs notes, gna get the lit books and math stuff (and also the once a saint always a saint stickman shirt) tmrw..hpefully they'll take me outta my first 3 mths mode! very terrible, the way im still happily in neverland. haha. anyhow, just discovered not too long ago that sa has good food so me, jiang, lynnette, samantha and charmaine have been stuffing ourselves with all the delish and sinful food. food, glorious food! BUT! i shall exercise some discipline frm tmrw onward and go on a diet :| the sa uniform already makes me look fat enough!! and it doesnt help that the buses take us to ikea (MEATBALLS!!), holland v (WIDE variety) etc etc. goodness gracious me. AND theres no pe yet!! i can feel yet another kg of fats being formed and wobbling about on my thighs!! i mean, theyr already ARE my thighs!! ahh..

okay, me and my endless wails.

been to a few lectures here and there, but also skipped some..-looks at jiang!! grr. all her fault. haha okay she'll kill me in school and annoy me endlessly..like she always does everyday. but seriously, i think shes been like, my sunshine :) she helped me accept and adapt to sa, so i shall kindly excuse her irritating traits (ENDLESS mockery :|) and talk to her HAHA

anyway we've been playing volleyball!! i really like it though i suck and people keep laughing at me (as always..for example mahjong / bridge) BUT STILL, (sam's always worse than me HAHA kd) its very satisfying whn you whack the ball over with all your might! ystd i whacked it over to 2nd floor of the hall and had to go through some trouble getting it back. oh wello. anyway that place reminds me of the 'office box' thingy in the cj audi, which reminds me of rockafella, which reminds me of..hrm. rahh, i still miss cj! but i suppose sa's alright la. hpe things will get better..

had early dinner at ikea just now..YUMMYLISH!! :D :D very happy and contented now. hahah swedish meatballs, cream of mushroom, triple choc cake, kids pasta..ooh. hahah and we went on yet another expedition! (did i mention the prev one ws to ths cult tunnel??) near the gilton food centre theres the bali resort thingy. damn funky and cool!! but lots of mosquitoes. and we crossed ths bridge to alexander point. HAHA we're so hip..wasted trip la! no desserts :( went back to school for nata de coco (which i almost died eating) and had math make up. shall be meeting tings tmrw :D havent seen that babe in a very very long time! since ice age! okay tht ws random..we're gonna catch eye10, hopefully there's the timeslot for it. and we shall catch up! :D

sammie HELLO! :) msn?

karina shall we holland v ; crystal jade + party w us soon..!

alrighty. shall get back to adding new songs in my pinkie baby
hoho :D

i dont wanna fall to pieces
just wanna sit and stare at you

cookie craze @ coffeeclub rocks pls
FREAKING FAB. ws in heaven for like, 5 split seconds, savouring it all
:D

getting my ipod tmrw, am mighty excited!!
forgot about my disgusting zits for a bit.
ahh! i wonder hw does the 2nd generation's pink looks like. havent checked it out yet..

anyway met hwing today IM VERY SORRY FOR MY LATENESS..ths bad habit is worsening, very bad! mst be all the influence frm steph. haha anway we dropped by in town for FAB lunch @ taka pasta house or club or dno wht, i forgot. damn bloated! bought my paul frank bag already! im so hyped! :D :D haha then we went to her pasir ris house and played cards..fortune telling HAHA so rubbishy. and she managed to persuade me to play pool..hahah so funny! and i quite like the game. i cant believe myself! i had developed such deep aversion for pool but ive now joined the club :| though i still am very sucky at it, ive come to realise the thrill of exhileration whn my ball goes in, hahah. talked and laughed a lot, I LOVE YOU HWING! have you checked your tagboard / lovesuicide??

after that went to meet ele :) talked a lot, like quite non stop. especially when waiting to enter the compound for sff. oh by the way, their legs are like WOW. -jaw drops. and the black model's rib cage was like, PROTRUDING so badly. i felt like i cldnt breathe looking at them. its like, so stretched and wrapped that if she breathes they'll tear through her skin or smth -shudders. but not all models were reed thin..theyre gorgeous!

alrighty. tutoring tmrw :|
night!

so this is how little i mean to you

yikes! my face is infested w zits, im very terribly disgusted w myself! ee.
i have decided to swear off tht chicken rice in sa,
charmaine said it causes pimples!! gasp.

ele, cheer up girl :(

anyway. the orientation ended, ws damn freaking funny. the finale ws fun, gdness :D ths guy got so high he started stripping and stuff! and he ws scrambling ard to get his clothes whn the counsellors pulled him out of the hall. i think sa has really fab plans for orientation, bt its only enjoyable if youre in gd company. hated the class, but i guess im okay with it nw. JY'S APPEAL GOT THROUGH! (okay, jiang la. she thinks its very kiddy of me+karina to call her jy) so shes in my class!! omgness, ths is the BEST thing thts ever happened evr since i got into sa. despite hw she ENJOYS mocking me (sadistic! >:| stp it w my elbow on blue story already!!), shes been really nice and entertaining. hahah. tight tee poor painter.

i would really like so say tht i miss hwing a whole bunch of monkey bananas :(

just saw tht girl today, i miss tht tanned face and her laughter. talked a bit, AHH I LOVE YOU BABE! cheer up abt yknw who. i miss our truth/truth suddenly. gna write you a letter! :D

anyway as i ws saying, today was a total waste of time, shouldve jst ponned..and i really wonder hw im gna survive in future lectures WITHOUT A TABLE attached to the chairs (the tables broke off the attachment to the seats)..been scribbling on my lap, its absolutely mortifying! ugh. cant succumb to recopying my notes everytime :| only went for one lecture, skipped another, and ATE A LOT yikes. then jy, lynette, samantha, charmaine and i went on an expediture SO FREAKY! thrs like, a discreet cult meeting or smth within the compound. -shudders! shall nt elaborate. then jy the guru did fortune telling..cant rmb wht else we did. bt anw went bk cj then met steph..we were both WIDE ASLEEP. we were like, sputtering nonsense to each other. and i sang so loudly to myself in cartel but ws in such a daze i ws completely unaware :| goodness gracious. after much (or little) inner battle, we went back to her house and fell aslp unanimously and suddenly i jolted awake. haha so nw im home!

sigh.
night, all.

dont tell me that its over.

i dont like this one bit.

stop bitching la.
i dont even know wtf is your freaking problem.

got the sa uniform tdy w jy and karina at telok blangah and chinatown. did a tad of alteration. met nana, ate (sucky char siew rice) and went to sentosa to see the cj people. played mahjong outside nz natural (yummy bananarama) i think im getting the game more nw, haha. though made a fool out of myself AGAIN. contrary to my belief, the one dong (or ws it gong?) wasnt a flower. hahah. apparently, im still very very green abt ths mahjong business..

anyway. met hwing, don and brendan then we had dinner at harbour front. oh, hwing's 2 othr friends joined us. then we talked a bit. and we went home.

im very tired and stoned now as you can tell.
off.

so this is what its like, being away from you, away from everything.

alrighty! first day of orientation at sa was alright. haha. it wsnt bad / good. made a few new friends, i think people there are really nice and friendly! so far. haha im just REALLY worried about my class, which will be revealed tmrw afternoon i heard. not that im gonna be, erm, well enough to attend that..

gonna get school uniform tmrw! am mighty excited! and gna erm, coincidentally turn up in sentosa in my cj pe shirt and since im already there, might as well..hahah. and thrs dinner w everyone to look fwd to. really hpe it'll be a :) day.

anyway, nw tht i think of it, all we did today was a zillion jumping jacks and some push ups on the track under the hot sun >:| and STARVE. whts with the food ration?? we survived the whole ordeal with 2 pkts of biscuits and water. was DYING. and had no phone and money w me, had so dumbly went to surrender my stuff. ws terribly inconvenient! kpt wondering wht ws going on in cj and all.

i just really dont know what to say anymore.

anyway. after the whole thing i ws SO worn out, my head ws throbbing, and nw i realised im indeed burnt (stupid jiaying. i am burnt okay!) and my stomach's grumbling had NO end :|

so we hopped on a bus and went holland v for dinner @ crystal jade. omgness, even amidst my fatigue all the fab food cafes caught my eye..TINGS, future hang out place! since ac is near thr too :D YAYNESS. perfecto!

hrm, im completely drowning in my weariness.
in all senses.

a step further away from you,
a step closer to uncertainty.

i love this ! i need to keep ths forever hence its presence on my blog.

so touched :D

haha. school tmrw, im freaking out.
nobdy's gna talk to me in my og!
im gna be alone ):
SIGH.
the same things all over again.

i love tings.

is this how we end

i shall conclude that ths week sucked.

it feels awful to be caught in dilemmas and fretting about present regrets and future regrets..being torn away from people you never want to be separated from, finding out, once again, my INsignificance (as always), and seeing so many tearstreaked faces and voices ovr the phones interrupted by sniffs every so often.

i really dont know whats worse.

sometimes i get so weary of being upset i go nuts and get all hyper but jst because im not weeping on the outside it doesnt mean all my negativity has left me. im jst trying to be happy cos i jst want to be happy, but it doesnt help when people kp giving me warped reactions, as though its unacceptable and wrong to be all bubbly at ths point of time.

okay, whatever.
all these aside,

im currently a saint in sa (:|) and though it really doesnt feel right, i dont feel at home, i really hope things will jst work out. im not asking for a miracle, jst to accept the way things have turned out to be. the school is erm, well, TINY and changi hospital ish, but we're shifting to the new compound next year, the sch uniform rocks, and the people seem fun..i hope theyre friendly to the 2nd intake people. sigh. they all seem to have paired up or grown clique-ish.

karen says im antisocial :( im jst very tired of making new friends! sigh. only been hanging out w jiaying, karina, karen and other st nicks people..our clan just shrunk, steph went back to vj and hwing, back in cj. im really elated for them, plainly cos theyre happy, but it sucks to see them go. ive grown so accustomed to seeing hwing everyday in cj, rotting and skipping school/lessons together, our truth/truth sessions, eye candies (all dried up and eaten up, yes haha inside joke), her mp3 rocks, all our jokes and everything that made our friendship up. im gonna miss you girl :(

and i rmb how horrid wednesday was, tears kept welling up. karina, jiaying and i have been such AVID and enthusiastic cjcians (okay, ex-cjcians bt we will not admit tht we were crashing, we belong to tht school okay!), returning back to cj everyday ever so loyally :| ELE I MISS YOU! im eating midget gems now and thinking about our macs days and esp grand stand omgness :(

that freaking grand stand holds too many memories, not only w ele and hwing, but also with the cat high people. so strange, how everything is related in a way.

tell me you dont want me to leave,
just like i dont want to leave you.

ANYWAY. ystd had lunch @ scotts (yami yoghurt!!) w karina and jy (i insist on calling you ths cos we're in primary school) then i showed jy the superbly adorable paul frank bag that steph and i love so dearly, and she ws so annoying flippant about the whole thing i wanted to chop her hands off >:( haha then we met steph and some of her fellow nikkis. stood around for a while thn steph, jy and i bus-ed to nyjc and crashed their orientation. the school compound is so friendly and homely i wish sa ws like ths. i wld have absolutely no complaints if sa ws like tht! but of course there are plus and minus points..haha whn i saw their facils up on stage doing the mass dance it jst reminded me of my own cj orientation jst 2 months ago..but of course, ahem. they were more eye candy ish. hahah. but anyway. seems like the ny people are having fun. apart frm nana. i hope she'll hurry and come to sa pls!!

thn we chomp chomped. sat at some ANT-SY lil porch at the circle and talked and talked and talked..yucks, so sticky and stinky and sweaty and eww. haha returned the rented vcds and we went our own ways..

and ths morning i jst had dim sum with the family.
ate my fill..stomach was bursting and erupting.
haha, havent been eating much nowadays.

TINGS i promise i'll be there for you, you know that. i'll always be waiting for your calls. cheer up, things will get better, i promise. miss you LOTS.

dada another day okay? sorry i cldnt make it! misses :(

oh no, im listening to switchfoot on fire, the song tht don doesnt get. haha. okay i will stop all ths at once..

did i mention it ws a bad week?

but im so sad and despondent too.

dont let go of us tonight

woke up at 8+, someone called me (cant rmb who), screaming 'how? how??'..jolted awake and rushed online. don helped me check mine (was too anxious and the system ws lagging) and i got into sa..oh well. i ws qt neutral abt it. till tings got into ac. and i ws like fuck! i regret spending 10bucks eliminating ac out of my choices!! and then my parents talked to me, and it got better..

then i went to meet don, ate @ coffeebean..and ele+dawn came and joined us. talked for a while, then we watched the series of unfortunate events. (dawn left then don's friend haoming came and watched w us) the movie ws sucky okay. it ws like, harry potter / roald dahl without any of its magical touch.

okay im gonna stop trying to relate wht i did today cos im totally not up for tht. i had fun w ele, definitely. we bought stuff, there ws finally MIDGET GEMS, oh, we bought lots of stuff (i got a lacoste polo, fila polo, roxy wallet and she, roxy shoes and wallet AND FOOD FOR BOTH OF US :|). i love tht girl to bits, i cant believe im nt going bk cj ever again as a student, i cant believe im going to tht foreign tiny sa land like some freaking loser and start all over again, i cant believe im leaving everyone in cj behind.

sigh, ths sucks. im not in the mood for further continuation.

oh, but im jst REALLY REALLY REALLY GLAD tht thr are st nicks ppl going too.
oosh.

and i wanna believe you, when you tell me that it'll be okay

hrm,
today has been pretty depressing.

there were perks, but the picture is still painted grey.
was at the grand stand as usual (me+hwing were freaked out by jacob's suddn appearances+disappearances..spaceship at the othr end! haha k inside joke) then played bridge and mahjong w nana, jiaying, hwing, karina and other people. sheesh. they jst kpt laughing at me. mahjong was horrid. i ws some freaking laughingstock :( sigh, then we went to the canteen and i thought about a lot of stuff. melancholic. (NANA, im trying not to feel green)

btw karina! i hpe you do cheer up abt the loss of your wallet..

and!

happy belated birthday NANA and MINA!
both you 17 year old babes. pls do nt start making fun of my 16 years okay. -looks pointedly at nana.

anyway. went huiying's hse on sat for a bbq party. rockin mellow time w da at the swing. hahah. pun intended! i ws lost on the way to her hse. as in, TERRIBLY LOST. her bf needed to cycle out to perform a solo search party or smth. haha.

then ystd me+ree dropped by nana's place for a surprise. bought her a coffee cake :D erm, i think me+ree got outta control and ate a little too much of her cake despite initial fears of it being too bitter. us and our coffee aversion. haha but her cake was really yummy! and he mum bought yummy dinner. so i ate like a pig. REALLY LIKE A PIG. i ws bloated bt i ws still forcing food dwn my throat. very bad, wendy. IM FAT, I SWEAR. :(

anyway. we watched lame videos (namely some jessica simpson/britney spears thing ah mah jiggle your fats HAHA ELE, who's line is it anyway, spongebob..) on her comp till i fell asleep. (i think the others did too, only found ree laughing at the screen like a retard at the end of it) then tanny+nana taught us bridge! mighty exciting, if only i wsnt such a slow poke.

amazed that i still managed to wake up early ths morning.

anyway. off i go.
im drowning in my sorrows :(
okay thts very melodramatic of me.
whatever, wendy.

yea i try to believe you, but i dont

Amor , no es amor (if this aint love)
More than my feelings (what am i doing wrong)
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that i have in my heart
More than my feelings (what am i doing wrong)

1t10!
; from top left, wanyi, josephine, jobyna, angel, jolene, amanda, me, hwing, sudev, atiqah, marie (bday girl that night)
second row left, thad, glen, colin, angie, bren, don, ian.

(click to enlarge)




marv, i lurvv. :)

ahem. for everyone's info, WE werent watching porn,
we just rented a very eye-friendly movie called the notebook
-rolls eyes.
its wasnt porn! eh r harh! oy! whts going on there!? hahahaha. k inside joke.

anyway. though we had a bad day and everything ws just crashing against the waves, i still had fun with steph :)

o1. BAD roti prata
o2. WHERE IS THE SUN
o3. flooded hangout place
o4. WARM iced water (?!)
o5. incapabilities to study at all the entire week
o6. LOUSY RENTED VCDS. to think that we trusted the olsens so.
o7. HAHAH steph act smart asked for extra chilli, in the end her char kway teow just sucked.
o8. depressing stuff that we've drawn conclusion to (thanks to Her World)
o9. so much for being tanned. we only found out that we're BURNT.
1o. we still talked and laughed and had quiet moments and it was so much fun.

i know what some people think about ths, that its jst so typical but i really dnt think people can judge the way they THINK things are..sometimes behind the bond of a friendship is a certain depth of unspoken understatement. it jst makes me really sad the way people think they can tell a person what they should / should not do.

steph hello pello, stephie bitchie! you koup my o.38 pen la! you silly thief. anw i rplied your mail very efficiently in a letter. hahah. ANW will you stp fretting about your f21 top..we agreed it ws an ugly piece of shit rmb??! at least you bought a pretty country top and can laugh at my nothingness during our Country themed outings :| yes, switchfoot rocks my balls. ok i hv no balls. rocks YOUR balls. hahhah i suddnly rmb wht you said abt the char siew bao. i shall nt publicise wht you said and embarass you THOUGH you made me seem like some perv watching porn :| I WAS NOT OKAY! actually, WE were not! grr.

stephie bitchie loves wendy loserly

haha..
hey bitch, I'M DAMN SCARED. like really freakin out now. this whole posting thg is really haunting me like shit. i cant believe im actually DREAMING (or rather, nightmare-ing) abt the whole thg. like for 3 straight days, ive been waking up in cold sweat at 7am n then falling alsp agn. THIS SUCKS BIG TIME. argh.. i shldve put AC as my 2nd choice. seriously if i cant go vj, i rather go AC than anythg else. oh my.. i dont wna end up in anderson. ill b so terribly miserable lar. damn. i wna go AC with u. life sucks like shit. some ppl r so pretty, so rich, so smart, so nice, their lifes r so disgustingly perfect. im ranting. haha sorry.. i shld totally have my own blog. im burnt like a lobster :l

announcement: WENDY IS WATCHING PORN!! oh my.. she's viewing some steamy sex scene.. damn disgusting lar.. i wnted to describe how the guy's fondling with the woman's tits bt i decided.. shall spare u guys the agony. YUCKS. wendy's sucha sick girl :l

haha ok she off the tv alr. anw, TDAY WS A SUCKY DAY. BAD BAD BAD DAY. nth went well!!!! n we ate so much AGAIN. fat fat fat!!! its baddd being with wendy. esp when she can eat all she wans n still b so skinny. hello, it doesnt work for the rest of us -stares at bulging tummy-

anw, dont forget our ---- promise!!!!! im so super lking forward to it! plus our regular ---- sessions!! sighh.. hope i cn stay in vj! else ill miss -. n hope ull hav a rockin gd time in SA. SHEESH my dear girl, u didnt say earlier! i'd have put AC as my 2nd choice!!!! n we can go thr tog :l wht a waste. i hope i dont end up in AJ..

wendy!! i love ya! haha. so happy when we hang out tog! shoppin! tanning! coffee-beaning! gardening (haha)! CHATTING! :D feel soooo myself agn! haha ur my soulmate! gd luck with ur other half yea! WE LOVE GARDENS :))))))

just bathed and stuff..

as you can see, i didnt go for the cj party @ cocolatte..
issue of me + crowds, have yet to tell my mum, plus HAD to rest poor tormented feet.
hope the others are having a rocking good time :)

shopping today was pretty productive! :D

got my gallaz shoes (came with a free cap!), stussy top (ths is such a good buy, a bargain! :) and another mango tank. haha. we Y stussy, dont we? -looks at steph. we went nuts there. paul frank rocks the silly afro hair back to bald. hahah tht ws stupid. but yes, goodness gracious. the stuff were extraordinarily SO CUTE today, somehow. there ws no end to my squealing. and steph ws being so strange today. she was VERY into pink and sweet ah lianzz stuff. (insert confused look). we talked and then laughed till we ended up on the floor outside liz claiborne. dont ask why..

btw, we were such Sporty GalzZ. hahah.

we ate turk chicken roll and had yami.
VERY YUMMYLISH, i'd say.

i love you, stephie bitchie!
strangely, shes prolly the only friend i have that i can comfortably + naturally (HAHA steph youre a natural bitch ok nt funny) call a bitch (affectionately, pls), albeit having no worries that she'll think im queer / offending her. apart frm nana, of course. haha she ws Peachy Bitch. cos of a drink @ Lips. ok whatever, wendy. im off!

when no one else was looking, how did you know just where i would be
you broke through all of my confusion
the ups and the downs
and you still didnt leave me

tanning tmrw :)

before i go, i'd jst like to get ths off my chest
IM SO SICK OF THINKING ABOUT YOU, MY MIND IS ALL JUMBLED UP,
WE SEEM SO DRY, WHAT IS WRONG?
youre just, gone, and im sick of waiting. like a kid left behind after school.

my tears, they are turning into time

stupid steph is a lazybum, shes still snoring blissfully in bed..so much for tanning :| she'd better be shopping w me ltr or i'll kill her. shall head to her house with some avril lavigne. haha hee.

and im left to ponder on my own if i should go for the cj party thingaling or go chomp chomp w her tonight. why is everything always happening on the same day..! tsk.

i feel like..having oc marathon right now :(

-

but right now im thinking of you..!
:)
:|

you gotta be out there
you gotta be somewhere
everywhere you are
im waiting

yucks, im very disgusted with myself, i cant stop eating!
-pokes my fats. (esp thighs pls)
i need to run 10 rounds around the cj right angled track.
i need cj pe right now.

anyway decided to stay in cos of my strong-willed diarrhoea that doesnt seem to give in. but my plans fell through today anyway.

HAHAH something just happened. im smiling now. k im nuts, its nothing much.
hee.
ive found a new prey to listen to my silly ramblings ; my sister. hahah i think everyone else is bored with me. we talked till 1+ last night. was quite nice, like the old days :)

anyway i met janice at sengkang mrt jst nw to pass her the danceworks pants to return to ryan. THANKS GIRL. im so grateful! saved me a trip. haha i just bought the kelly clarkson's breakaway! was wondering whether to buy tht or michelle branch's hotel paper (i keep changing my mind, was previously very into maroon5 then lost interest, then yellowcard, but people told me it sucked, then simple plan, but hwing lent me tht day and it wsnt tht great) ..i lost the cd of the latter. so dumb of me huh. i keep flipping out the cover hoping tht the cd will reappear miraculously. its gone now and forever more! i loved it :( used to listen to it when im sad and morbid. hahah. but anyway kelly clarkson's pretty good :)

cos there are these nights
when i sing myself to sleep
and im hoping my dreams will bring
you close to me
are you listening

i miss quality time with tings a lot, i have to say.
and ele too.
:(
im feeling alone, i dnt knw why. always happens whenever i stay in during the hols.

shopping with steph tmrw, oh my goodness gracious. i SO need retail therapy. cannot wait. and we're tanning too. hopefully i'll be feeling better after it all, i love that girl.

Oh cos I dont know
I dont know what hes after
But hes so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

im longing for love and the logical
But hes only happy hysterical
im waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

kelly clarkson's beautiful disaster, on repeat mode.

im just another friend, i know.

realised i havent been blogging for only 3 days,
but they felt like forever.

monday i met up with my pri school mates ; kmiang, marilyn and evadne, we took neos! (again) then i went to meet tings aft she sat for some england exam. and i suppose tht girl's in shanghai nw or smth -frowns. ths will be worth getting used to i guess..oh welly, your presence is being very much missed babe :D sorry i ws sucha stoner ystd.

today i went tanning w steph! we're always have mellow times togth. and erm, our tanning wsnt very successful. it ws more like a grow fat day. we ate like, ALL the time. wht is ths. i had wholemeal bread in the morning complete w tomatoes, lettuces, cheese and ham and daisy hi lo and then had half a bagel and pure choc whn i met her, then drank iced lemon tea then ate spaghetti and apple juice. all within like, 4 or 5 hours. FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahh. ):

anyway. i ws hardly tanned. only a tad red at my arms and chest. oh nvm, thrs thursday and saturday sessions to look forward to. hahah I HOPE IT DOESNT RAIN!!

anyway. after that i met da, mina, dinah, huiying, yimin and jade..we watched robots!! its damn cute. and yknw i dnt really like cartoon movies but ths is nt bad la. the graphics are pretty good. and cute. haha. robots using robots?? then we walked around. i can feel my leg muscles at work agn. the key is to wear heels. hahah. had dinner, ahh i miss the chanmalis and 4C people..i even took the bus all the way to amk then take another bus home. and when we passed by cj, i ws stung by ths wave of nostalgia. sucks to be leaving tht place, ive pretty much grown accustomed to it :( it seems wrong to be saying things like tht somehow, but well.

been feeling rahh-ly stoned recently, what with the recurring diarrhoea and - and all. i will jst die frm shitting.

night, world.

im the one who wants to be be with you
deep inside i hope you feel it too

yikes, feeling very empty now -looks at hwing.

anyway ystd had macs breakfast again. the guys were erm, entertaining themselves. overall i think my last day of school ended quite monotonously, sadly. haha met up with steph!! we were like, slugging @ wisma's coffee club couches and being lame asses. talked :) i love! hahah. yes, we MUST go tanning ths hols. poor sq though. hope youre feeling a lot better :) ahh, i miss tings, mst call her ltr or smth. anywayy

went back to school for the rockafella skank. was late. and anyway the freaking concert was quite a failure. was terribly bored. but practically all the drummers were really good! coolio :D and the last band was the best. i think guys should sing la. the girls' voices were jst drowning in all that music. i just hope we wont think of our favourite songs differently after last night :| whn they announced they were gonna sing a yellowcard song i was half afraid it ws only one. good grief, they sang ocean avenue. haha k im mean. but not bad la, quite entertaining. wai was giving me weird looks tht read 'why your school concert so bleah?' hahah. ele and i were, oh my, goodness gracious. haha.

i think ive been having a very pleasant holiday ever since i got back my results. grand stand everyday. its jst tht i have to wake up at 540am and wear my school uniform. and now that the real hols are here, it feels wrong. like my routines are suddenly disrupted and causing me to malfunction :| what am i talking about. ok i will..go and find something to do. jolene+my saturday plans have failed miserably..haha and i dont feel like going out anymore. will ponder about ths strange and queer feeling. haha.

yikes..!

You Have A Type A- Personality

A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

You Will Die at Age 76

76 You're pretty average when it comes to how you live... And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?

but i wna die at age 50..

if i had my way, i'd never get over you

yayness, i spent the week catching up with people :)
monday i went to ree's house after her lessons ended. we were being lazy slugs, lying on her couch and watching mtv and eating the whole time. and today i went out w her..we were bth really sleepy. walked around like zombies but laughed a whole lot too. took ugly neos (whts new, we were SCARILY white though we already chose the darkest shade) and i went on a shopping craze. bought yet another pencilcase (i really really like ths one), forever21 skirt, and mango top! shua shua shua. haha. then we sat at cine food court, ate, and talked a lot, i love ths girl :)

and today hwing ws being very naughty. we cabbed away frm school at 10+ and went to the Very Cool serene's centre for mac's breakfast!! i love hotcakes with maple syrup. and the margarine! satisfying! we talked a lot (actually we were like, gushing. hahah. TUBBY ah.) and we bought jx's present (a sad box of ferrero rocher) and i bought the new gossip girls book :D :D and then and then! she made me sit on the stupid horse toy machine and pt in coins! i ws like, humping the freaking horse. and she happily took retarded photos of me. hahah. hilarious. I LOVE HWING!

ystd ws spent with my wiffa! shes so freaking adorable, we took 3 neos and scribbled and drew on one of it so much! very fun. and we were like, laughing hysterically at nydc :D ahh, i will miss ths one a hell lot when i leave cj :(

sigh, all these negative thoughts.
i will miss the people in cj a lot, thought i ws gna have a horrible first 3 mths, hating everything violently but nw everything has reversed. i wish time would slow down :(
im loving my class people a lot, hwing! jolene, don, brendan, amd, everyone! sigh. im getting very depressed. will stop right here..

giving up, is never easy.

i will be happy

today is yet another major pon day, i dont know what i go to school for, unlike busted does. haha ok very lame. anyway today was quite a bad day at school, i dont know why. ok maybe i do knw -looks at hwing. but whatever :(

anyway hwing my dear girl, im sorry i got so very emotional on you. haha and thanks ALOT for saying everything that you said, im ultra glad i have you, really. anw we mst pray for release of results :| haha.

anyway the stupid grand stand, nobody should sit there alone when already initially unhappy. its The place to get very depressed. so there i ws, falling deeper in the black pit, till i heard wiffa's angelic voice calling me, ringing from afar. hahah. i was so happy! :D ok i think im being very exaggerated but yknw what its like, still feeling ugh.

went to far east long john's to meet the others, bashed the chilli to pulp and hwing got very disgusted with me that we came up with yet another episode to our story that just cracked us up like nuts. hahah. amanda was like huh?? while we chuckled away. haha then we went to monsters and they pooled, AND i will want to state right here that i DO NOT like to pool, so pls STOP/DO NOT ask me why, and make me pool. i dnt detest it, im fine with watching and commenting and everything, but i will not participate. its jst a thing. fullstop. grr. anyway dadeedoo came into the picture and made my day better. haha i swear i was gonna drown in my own fake laughter and smiles. ugh ugh ugh.

anywayanywayy we ate and caught up, im very relieved and glad that we talked, its been a very long time -nods. we msnt drift okay?!? i love you! and also, thanks for listening to all my crap -laughs. i think i ws such on a roll that i stopped eating while illustrating my stories. hahah :) oh, then we watched a moment to remember, and i would like to highlight that ths is a MUST WATCH! oh my. i cried buckets. actually, i was more like, sobbing hard or something. i think freda ws qt freaked out by my rather overwhelming response. haha. its THE sweetest show, EVER. sigh. oh, there ws ths couple next to us, and the GUY was crying la. i could hear him! :|
(what are you crying about? did your parents die or did you lose your country?) hahah.

tmrw gonna catch up with my wiffa. midget gem, CANT WAIT :D
i think ths entry has been very shoutout-y. ah whatever.
i will be happy.

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don't believe it makes me real
I'd thought it'd be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things that I said

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing could save me
But it's the only thing that I have

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn't worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It's hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

my heart plunged, i dont know what for.

i wanted to tell you about my day ): where are you now

tutoring today was quite horrid. the 1030 class kid was being ultra good, im gonna buy her barbie chocs/sweets :) but i cnt say the same for the 12 class. yikes, it was chaos in class. one was being such a bratty and annoyingly giggly smartass (pain in the ass) and the other the super slack and NOISY. riot. couldnt get her to do any work. she just kept babbling on about jolin tsai or that cyndi singer. sheesh. i told her they were just plain acting cute and i couldnt stand them. and when it came to S.H.E, i HAD to put an end to it, retorted that they were disgusting and made her do her work or else she wouldnt get to draw stars on the board.

exasperating.

speaking of which, i AM exasperated.
what am i thinking? :|
wrong, wrong, wrong.

anyway, jc plans ;
1. national
2. anglo chinese
3. st andrews
4. catholic

sigh. i hope ive made the right decisions. this sucks, im gonna miss cj like fuck though. :(

replies!

jocelyn heyy, how did you find out about my blog?? haha anyway, not very well, but still a lot better than i expected. haha. you? did well, i suppose :) where you going?

momsie!! thanks for the thoughtful gifts by steph+you, i thought it ws indeed from lee hwa when i saw the bag. hahah kidding. am loving it a lot! :) yea i knw, i feel very myself when im hanging out with you guys. like, back to the past though we're in the present. haha sorry, i was thinking how things changed :( sad, aint it? nvm, we mst meet up soon again and play stupid lame games that the jcs have taught us. haha glad you like your pres!! :) not sure about the part where you think youre holding a little wendy though..haha. miss you uber!! -hugs. dont be long lost again ok??

After school
Walking home
Fresh dirt under my fingernails
And I can smell hot asphalt
Cars screech to a halt to let me pass
And I cannot remember
What life was like through photographs
Trying to recreate images life gives us from our past

And sometimes its a sad song

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through

he says all the right things at exactly the right time

ahh. i really honestly have no idea where to head to. i think nj would be out cos im really lousy and cannot catch up with the other bright bulbs. but theres tings there and the magnet pull there becomes strong..and i crashed ac ystd to find out what its like..its not as bad as i thought it was but its really far and i didnt feel like i belong there like i do now in cj. and i want to stay in cj bt then again, i dont want to cos their econs suck. and theyre good in history bt im nt so sure abt their lit. and then someone in sa told me sa's lit is good. bt don and jacob says sa's arts will not be as good as cj. so as you can see, im in a dilemma and talking to myself.

poo.

is it true that the deadline to register has been extended to monday?? its really bad,that i keep procrastinating, but i really hope so, thats wht my mum told me but nobody's replying me cos its early in the morning and theres no school today so everyones probably sleeping and im the sole early bird talking to myself at such wee hours on a no-school school day. haha im mad.

i slept for 11hours, went home feeling really sick. ugh. all those pretence of being sick is bad karma. my nose began bothering me when i woke up ystd morning and then my throat too, when me+the other crashers were lying around in their comfy but smelly cafe. haha i became temporarily well again after being fisherman's friend and nim jiom's too. hahah. but TEMPORARY, i say. after hitch and when i reached home, i wanted to die. my head was gonna explode..really bad headache. plus, i was having cramps. yay.

but im really strong and fit as a fiddle now! (nearly) after a pill. yay!

anyway ystd was fun (: somehow. haha.
hitch is really good. there were 2 typically blond and suave and aww-worthy guys. all the happy endings..haha. will never take place in my life.

anyway, gonna catch up w ele and hopefully, tings ltr, before she leaves me, again. haha.

tatas!

i look at all these people, and i wonder
what has changed?

my comp has been weird, cant reach the create new post blog.
anyway, now im here
and i guess im pretty content with life presently :)

monday wld have to be the best day of my life, probably, to date.
saw both eye candies roaming about, had very nice orange bowl, o's results were a pleasant surprise and caught up with tings, everything was just right :) thanks for ralph lauren cool (another to add to my collection, youre the best :)) and the lancome juicy tube btw :D am loving it very much..!
anw ystd i was 'sick' again and towned with the best friend, haha. joyce was with us throughout, but left before we watched the movie. she cut her hair, and cldnt stop fretting redundantly that she looks like a boy now, all the rubbish. shopped (rather fruitful :)) and watched white noise. it ws qt a lame show..ah bt we had fun and ate good food, nonetheless. i love tings a lot! im so glad we've reached a new level of understatement.

and today i watched hide and seek with hwing, jolene and jx. yet another qt dumb show..no comments. havent watched a good movie in a long time..i hope hotel rwanda will be good! will be catching that w da ths sat :)

ele, we mst catch up soon!! hope all is right :)

oh yes, today's pe ws horrible. i got a cold for running in the rain. i forsee a sore throat threatening its arrival too. was freaking pissed. SUCKY. i hate -.

im very annoyed with certain people right now. theyre dampening my mood very much, pls, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! are you shallow or are you not.
grr.
and you, piss off.

i dont wanna close my eyes,
i dont wanna fall asleep cos i miss you babe
and i dont wanna miss a thing

im at steph's hse now :) gna meet sq ltr for her very belated bday celebration. i love all these meeting ups :) though its not very often. oh well. they will be more treasured than ever :) she ws making me listen to hokkien songs. the songs were melancholic and sad and she looked so solemn i didnt knw whether to laugh or to try to appreciate the hokkien kim po ying song. hahaha. we laughed, we talked, we ate chocolates! :D i love you queenie! thanks for being there!!

ystd ws brendan's early early bday bbq! happy birthday, spongebob! :) thanks for having me over. your party ws quite fun la. me+ele ate up all your grapes and got very high jst doing that. hahah the vodka was so strong and stingy! sorry that we were so bleah halfway (not aa k!) and also that we suddenly went up for supper (im not dirty!) after disappearing for 1.5hrs. haha at least we talked! and saved you momentarily from the drunk ah peks! haha hope youre feeling much better! :)

and the danceworks thingy was lots of fun! though the ending was kinda screwed..oh well. still, had fun! :D was VERY sweaty and sticky though. the eyeliner ws a constant worry :| and the midriffs!! yikes. tummy tummy when we sit down, not good. poo. made me all conscious. and ele+janice, stop teasing me abt non existent stuff! -big eyed glare. haha anw, the dancers did a great job! im sure they'll do well in the finals!

went to fetch tings from the airport on thurs :) im glad to see you again girlie! love you. see you monday! hope youre having a blast with joyce here :)

had 'headache' on tues and went to hwing's hse to watch qiu tian de tong hua. yknw the korean show..cant rmb the english translation for the title of the show but anw we cried buckets. watched for like, 9hrs straight!! and i was being very fat and gross. eating like theres no tomorrow. :| but anw it ws loads of fun too, now that i think back to that day. hahaha. im COMPLETELY in love with taixi. -silly grin.
anw hwing! hope youre feeling alright :( yikes. we shldnt hv talked abt it if it made you increasingly upset. anw thanks for trying to perk me up on friday. haha was being such a sulk.

i'll never break your heart
i'll never make you cry
i'd rather die
believe me now
i'll give you all of me now
honey believe me

k im like, typing out the songs that are in steph's playlist. haha.

anw, this week has been pretty good :) amidst all sadness. myriad of emotions but at the end of it all, i think people around me were fab and made me laugh like a shithead.
sigh, results out tmrw. trying not to think of it. pls pls pls let it be fine. actually i dont knw wht im expecting. cos i cant decide whether to stay in cj. its quite an odd thought, considering how i despised it violently and the fact that its not academically strong or whtever. but ive had so much fun, the people there were really goodness gracious, whether to laugh with or to laugh at, OR to ogle at. hahah. well. shall ponder on that when the need arises :|

ele! midget gem, i swear i love you. hahaha was GREAT talking to you nonstop for 1.5hrs randomly till my stomach (and your throat) cldnt take it at that walkway of brendan's nice house. hahah. ROMANTIC huh. :) -big major hug. dont be so fierce and negative, silly girl! deadly glares are reserved only for certain people only. haha. im so glad we talked. xxoo!!

dada! i miss you too dsf :( reply my letter!!
// and the rapid river will bring the two paper boats together, despite their fragility, slowly but surely, washing away all that brought them apart :)

as you can see, im trying to be positive here.
will not dwell in stuff that upset me! -shakes head!
thanks, everyone who made me smile (you knw who you are)! for being there when i was going through sucky rough patches and cldnt crack a smile. im so so so glad. it meant a lot :)

my cheesiness is burgeoning.
shall cease it at once!
long entry :)
hope next week will be good.

//impossible ; christina aguilera.

happy BIRTHDAYS..

sister ser! 20th feb; happy 18th! youre now officially 2years older than i again. i love you though you cannot stop borrowing my stuff. haha! thanks for everything :)
sq momsie! 19th feb; happy belated 17th! long lost momsie again :| meeting up next sunday right? i love you!
fredadada dsf!! 21st feb; happy early 17th birthday, sweets! mwamwamwa. see ya tmrw :D you know i love you :)

tracy chevalier's falling angels. fab. -sniffs.

what im feeling now is not not not good..
will someone help me out of this pit
its so black here im afraid i cant see
im thinking thoughts i should not think
it scares me that so much has changed.
im caught in a paradoxical situation
im living in distortion
okay. im really exasperated.
this hasnt been a good day.
maybe when i wake up tomorrow
all negativity will be erased
and everything will be back in order.
the mess i once lived in but now realise is order enough.
this is a very stupid and personal entry.
im like, blabbering incoherently.
feeling very messed up inside, i need to sort things out.
i think i'll feel lame the next time i re-read this post,
but whatever
im tired.
night.

// i dont want all these changes.
tell me we'll be alright again.

today started off as okay, then got kinda lousy (tings, im feeling very awful still, sorry! :( ), then got easily annoyed and pissed, then got better :)

why are people different? maybe our difference makes us the same.

hmm. oh well.

We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you

tings, im SO sorry. check my gbk okay? yknw i love you!

But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what
destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

had retail therapy with ele :D had a fab time, were down then up together. wiffa, i love! :)
bought a ripcurl pencilcase (its for the males. but nvm..), fizzy fish (yay), paperchase stuff (very very cute stickers and stack of pretty colour paper), glamour+teenvogue (so VERY happy :D ++ paris hilton on cover! VERY gorgeous and classy pics of her. she shld take more pics like that instead of Very trashy ones..) and sq's present :)
but i guess such happiness can be pretty short lived..
anw saw hwing with Paper Sharp and mcron. were at the escalator at few levels down bt suddenly Wendy! sheesh his voice is like how distinct..

kayy im very worn out..
shall end with a very pretty song that i currently like a lot

Knew the signs wasnt right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool

So confused
My hearts bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldnt see
We were never met to be

Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok

But Im
So confused
My hearts bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn?t see
We were never met to be

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You'll be out of my mind
I'll be over you

And know Im
So confused
My hearts bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldnt see
We were never met to be
Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
Theres a life out there for me

okay i suppose the lyrics are kinda strange but it has a nice tune to it!

Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the world
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdies neck
I'd go back to the jewler who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat, don't fuck with dad

grass so green, and morning light.

tings! im having a major dilemma trying to figure out wht to give you..plan A ws too ex. haha so i dont think you'd get your parcel on vday itself k? sorry babe. anw did you check your mail? its qt a long one. reply me and send me your dorm add + number k? MISSES! (edited due to prevention of public suspicion tht i have lesbian tendences haha! :|)

>> sleepover ws..aight. were very sleepy and conked out at 2am. haha made them (hwing + jolene) watch bring it on. my tenth time. haha feelin a tad excited ovr vday. giving pres and all. i love (in no order of preference, jst typed whoever came to my mind sorry if i forgot and left you out!) tings steph sq ree nana da ele mina dinah xin yins and everyone else :)

ponned school halfway w hwing. then met my sis to get 2 more vday pres (3 more to go) and bought 2 books w hwing at some mall ive never been to (im so swaku) yay now ive books aplenty to read. hahah. i feel like going nj yknw. heard nasty stuff abt sa. bt i cant make it, obv. oh well.

// ps, da im so excited for you ;D bt i knw wht you think abt it. haha give it a try, babe. it doesnt mean anything.

got 2 tests, homework and vday presents to be prepare for/ done.
aight. shall go do some work now.

look what you made me do,
look what i did for you

my eyes are giving me problems again..
so im gna hv to be a bespectacled bo shi (professor) tmrw :|
yay sleepover tmrw..hope it'd be fun.
k gtg count ang pow money. heh heh.
oh. mum said mst wait till the entire lunar new year is over. alrightt..
suddenly thought of marie's bday party. ws really kinda fun, nw tht i think of it. hahah. gossiping, food, bailey's, being pushed+carried into the pool again and again..fun! :) btw happy belated bday marie! doubt you'll ever read ths bt whtever.

TINGS! check your mail again! now now now. and reply! private stuff tht cannot be disclosed here. haha CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR ADD!! im asking for the umpteenth time already, have to write in blocks. you keep procrastinating! haha i miss you, i miss you. call me soon! -big sad eyes.

shut up, just shut up, shut up

yayy happy lunar new year everyone :)
its like 2am and im talking to hwing online
us, being nocturnal and freaking annoyed people.
anw went and got vday stuff w ele on tues! yay feeling qt accomplished. though i havent gotten for like, 3 people yet. and im still pondering if i shld give my clsmates. and im hating this occasion itself very much, for a very apparent reason. but nvm, im spending it w ree and i love her very very muchie so.

everyth feels so surreal and different ths year. for 16 years, i felt the same excitement over cny. but ths year the zest is gone. and same goes for vday. like, in st nicks whn you go to cls in the morning you alr will hv a little stack of pres on the table and thn thr'll be lotsa hugs and nice smelling stuff and glittery letters and heart balloons and flowers and all. oh well.

i shall stp reminiscing.
night.

TINGS! why no news frm you since sat! :( and you happily come my gbk and nvr sign! btw i rplied your mail v long ago alr! did you knw? so are you coming back? if nt gimme your add k! vday parcel! :D sigh. i miss you lots and lots! happy lunar new year -BIG HUG. ive got stuff to tell you!!

mcron what ahem yknw yknw? -blank look. HAHAH. anw, how did you get here? oh yea, dyou hv a blog or smth? anw happy new year :) youre chinese right?

I stare at your face
Into your eyes
Outside there's so much passing us by
All of the sounds
All of the sights
Over the earth and under the sky
Too much cold and too much rain
Too much heartache to explain

Who needs the world when I've got you
Switch off the sun the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I've got you

I walk on the street
Talk in the dark
I see peoples dreams just falling apart
I open my arms
Tried to be true
Seems like my only truth is you
Am I wrong
Or am I right
All I want is you tonight

i love my best friend..!
who needs the world when i got youuu.

// all american rejects time is standing still

OMG I JST TYPED A LONG ENTRY BT ACCIDENTALLY DELETED ARGH NVM.
shall do it in point form nw..

- its late and im shagged. jst finished typing dear viola's letter

- TINGS CALLED. omg highlight of the day. OF THE YEAR, I MEAN. sheesh. i almost cried. was stunned. was overjoyed. was waiting. I MISS YOU TOO TOO TOO!! HURRY CALL ME BACK ASAP!! I WILL RUN TO THE LOO TO TALK TO YOU!! and my mail??! sigh. jst to hear your voice. yikes! the tears are gonna sting me..haha I CLD NOT BELIEVE MY EARS.

- ponned chi+econs. chi ws a flop. has to write apology letter w some format tht we had to comply to. oh yea, the tcher tld us we had to plead for forgiveness in the letter.. :| sheesh. ws at grand stand happily DOING MATH and listening to hwing's mp3. and also watching the othrs play mangkali loves you. hahah.

- shoppingg! a bag + 2 tops :D

- ws living up to my status and joined hwing+friend for a while..ree ws constipated and shitting at home as usual. hahah stupid hwing and i were being v lame and mean. laughed all the way from the bus to far east to cine to long johns. and i ws still laughing abt our stupid jokes whn she msged me. i ws sniggering so hard while crossing the road i think i ws shaking rather violently and the car drivers might think i ws having fits. talk about being retarded. HAHAH. swimming pool water splash out, mahogany tables, lighting lamps, busy scratching the cards. hahahaha k inside joke. HWING! :D

- then we felt very remorseful and evil for the roots of our jokes were mean. tsk. then we made a pact to mend our ways and also .. be discreet. hahah.

- ree i hope youre alright now..families are all like tht la :) and im sure you'll find a nice skirt! -hugs.

hello there, angel from my nightmare

tdy had x country! qt fun. hahah prefer ths to track runs anyday. running round in tracks is plain sucky and boring la. cos thrs nth to do. anw went to meet aileen aft tht..we had nooch! feels so sec4. sigh. I WISH I WERE STILL SEC4. k i shall try to stp being morbid. bt yea, im drifting away away away from everyone. i hate valentines day. i miss st nicks!

tings theres so much i wna tell you! v happy tht you signed my gbk :) will you pls rply my mail soon :( dyou rmb all our promises last time? how we planned to bury our silly letters and stuff..i miss you! :( things are jst NOT the same without you.

you broke my heart today
i dont know what to say
cant feel a thing at all.
i guess things like this
only happens to dumb girls
im just a dumb dumb dumb girl

k dont ask me why i put tht up. the song is stuck in my mind.
will someone make me happy please.
think im pmsing v badly.
back to lit essay.. :|

i wake up in the morning
put on my face
the one thats gonna get me
through another day
doesnt really matter
how i feel inside
this life is like a game sometimes

WENDY
W	is for	Warm
E	is for	Enthusiastic
N	is for	Natural
D	is for	Dainty
Y	is for	Young

What Does Your Name Mean?

haha ths reminds me of my very quizzy days..
when all was happy and i ws in the mood and had the free time to do such crap and tell my best friend about it. E for emotional is right..

// and i wanna believe you
when you tell me that it'll be okay
yea i try to believe you
but i cant.

k i nda pee badly
so i shall make ths quick
i did part of my lit essay! really couldnt make myself resume writing la.
anw lessons today sucked. it was the worst. and to think tht we end the earliest tdy. tmrw will be hell ): esp now tht my impetus to stay awake during lectures has dissipated..haha oh well. -looks at ele. ps// it'll be okay :)

anw. erm amanda and jolene suddenly has similar haircuts to mine, i have no idea why. we look erm really strange. but well. and hwing you are such a slacker i cannot stand it. bad influence! GLARES. hahah.

DADADA ths is a major shoutout for you. i love you a whole lot! no words can be used to describe ths in an eloquent manner. but im sure yknw. and i knw. haha -winks. im SO glad i have you in cj. REALLY. a lot has changed..for better or for worse, i realise some things dont matter anymore. and im jst really glad you were always there for me. i wanna hold your hand!!

and tings! will you be my valentine pls -super sad pout. i sppose youre busy..and with the timezone differences and all. missing you perpetually. till all my hair turn frizzy. will still be missing you :( im sad! rply my mail k? got stuff to tell you..and rmb to leave your add!! rmb!!

steph NO YOU DIDNT!! hahah. ok sunday then..then the sa funfair thing how? pls, my vday will be even more depressing. will update you asap. im beyond depressed. i think im getting lunatic soon.. ): no you cannot do tht, you should be my valentine!!!!!!!! yknw cj ask us to donate blood on vday. and in case of Rejection for tht blood donation we shld kp ourselves fit or smth. ha ha. nt funny. oh i jst rmb i cnt donate! under 45kg cannot donate. whew. freaking needles will get me screaming. MISS YOU. a lot.

//he was a boy
she was a girl.
she was not good enough
for him.

my comp's seriously screwed. can connect but cant log in to msn / use internet explorer so..its really useless. at erm angel's house doing econs proj nw. an econs test exists tmrw bt i seriously hv no idea wht its about so good luck to me..really lethargic and worn out now. oh yea towned ystd ; watched seed of chucky..stupid lame show pls do not watch it..its like a comedy. this sequel doesnt live up to the previous ones la. just realised that hannah frm sclub7 is in it. shes so pretty! but she was burnt to death. and i got a skirt too, yayy. then talked and talked for hours in ths istana park place. hahah im so suaku i didnt knw it existed (though i walked past it aplenty.) and the .. lovely ambience it carries. hahah bt yea ws momentarily happy. for the day. when i woke up today everything ws like, a different story..im depressed over nothing. -looks at ele.
will someone understand please.

steph i miss you too. a lot :( vday / sq's bday?

//i dont want to see your face anymore..!

today was..a myraid of emotions.
k, whatever.
was upset over very retarded things but i couldnt help it :|
anw thanks da for all the stuff you said..lovee! and two thirds of the Whats (jo, mand) hahah. for being so lame+bitchy and making me laugh like hell on msn. i hpe tmrw will be okay :(
and eleyy, pls cheer up! update tmrw!

my printer is screwed..its gripping tightly to 3 pieces of paper stuck together i dnt knw what for. i jst left it alone to print while i went to pee..yikes. its really pathetic nw.

anw i found out that people White on the surface are really Black underneath. rolls eyes. stp PRETENDING to flutter your wings around la. pissing us off. this calls for desperate measures to be taken into consideration during bitching session tmrw. argh.

and i dont want the world to see me
cos i dont think that they'd understand
when everything's meant to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

i try nt to compare the responses i get from you..
but im glad im at least recieving some :) though i still feel upset, yknow i love you more than anything.

anw anw pe tdy ws grr..did some leg straining exercise tht almost killed me. looked so simple yet akdidjsg!! and i fell on my ass while doing tht back tracking or whtever shit thing! yikes. so nw i nda sit on cushioned seats or it'd hurt. alr hv like, 6 blue blacks (and counting) on my legs and nw on my ass la. sheesh. im so accident prone. :|

feeling v stoned recently. sometimes i feel like being talkative bt .. yeah. so i end up staring into space a lot. haha k im being incoherent. shall go do my math hmwk. sigh.

tings i miss you! i suddenly thought of your big hands. haha i want to hold! :(
k i sound les.
'off.

it only hit me today
you went away.

having a throbbing headache and caught the flu bug
so am very grouchy right now
+ feeling very alone despite everything
math test on tues and im lagging in econs.
- i only want to share one of those normal talks w tings that usually send us into peals of laughter and make me feel very contented after it all
- i only want to snuggle up to steph
- i only want to stitch with shuqi all over bishan, looking asbsolutely retarded but not giving an eff.
- i only want to back in nana's house w ree and nana laughing at nothing
- i only want to be out in town w the chanmalis

i only want so many things.
it suddenly hit me,
we're all going separate ways.
and im not in it.
i detest being ill.
i miss my hair.

went tanning and cut my hair today..
maybe ths explains why im feeling so weird now.
like im not living in my own body. haha i sound inane. like those lit big names tht went a bit haywire.
anw, my torso is beet red frm all tht sunburn..the bikini covered areas are like WHITE compared..seriously. the colours on the singapore flag are formed on my body. anw my hair is shoulder length..SHORT! i miss my long tresses. yes, they were growing out of shape and bushy..but i ws very attached to it lahh. havent had such short hair since sec3. i think im jst pmsing. getting very pissed and upset easily recently.
oh well.
mm, had a mellow and serene day w steph..we were being very serangoon-y..haha. took some photos, i miss her a lot :( i miss shuqi too..without their corniness everyth feels incomplete. sigh.
ahh. im feeling very strange right now!! yikes. i need some good retail therapy. i dont think evn shopping will help. i knw, i jst wnt to talk to tings.

here i go, scream my lungs out
to try to get to you
you are my only one.

ahh. im so slow. today i jst found out smth abt BND. smth really duh.

but anw. tdy ws SUCKY. lessons ended at 530!!!!! i cant believe i jst went through tht..and we had the worst pe evr today. though it ws qt fun. bt i shall choose to pretend i hated it. had to like, bend in an awkward postion w legs wide open across the sides to HOP from the beginning of ths GROSSGROSSGROSS canal or longkang or whtever to the end! and it got increasingly smaller. and im claustrophobic!! wnted to die. and thr was like, god knows wht in thr. millipedes and SPIDERS. omg..!! we emerged w lots of Very hardened cobwebs in our hair. thts how bad it was. and the tunnel/canal/longkang thingy ws so freaking dark!! if nt for amanda's hand i woulda gotten lost..were screaming like nuts in tht compact area..when we saw tht ray of light and lush greenery frm afar we were like WE'RE REACHING WE'RE REACHING!! sheesh. and thr ws more military pe ltr on..too lazy to elaborate. haha. it sounds so OMG bt it ws actually kinda fun. hahah. i know. madness.

anw. i guess today i saw some..stuff in my clsmates tht i havent seen since day2 when orientation with them began. so :) still trying, but really glad to say things are getting better.

steph i dont care YOU BETTER SHOW ME THE LETTER!! nth will be too depressing dear. i went through my downestestest nt long ago..so nth can be too negative for me. haha. and jst ystd i ws really hurt and all :( omg. are you sure..you cant eat 2.5kg of crackers! crackers are like, light as feather! aiyah you and your exaggerations..ive been eating a lot of chocolate too. and all my money is spent on like, eating. serious. and printing ridiculous chinese AO notes la. they dnt care whether we pass hchi for prelims, they still want us to take till our o levels results are out! wht rubbish right! so annoyed!! oh yeah you got my letter right? the old one tht i sent last year..sigh. the times when we were still unknowingly happy and contented in our comfy zone. before we were prey to the uncertainties of another new world. damn, yknw oliver james kps making me cry..!!? like so weird, one minute listening to the song and singing along then suddnly start crying. madness. I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT ST NICKS. i dont evn mind st johns la pls. much less your band. haha anw youre in kayaking nw?!?! i kayaked last time for st johns and it ws SO tiring. omg. i dno abt vj bt cj canoeing is lyk damn damn damn tough..!! like a thousand times worse thn my pe tdy. (read above!! seriously sucks. my legs were gna give way. half an hour in tht freaking stinky canal w spiders hanging over our heads or centipedes crawling abt we wont knw anw cos it ws pitch black..and my legs were like, in half split position throughout hopping and hopping, trying to get out. othr clses were playing captain's ball happily on the nice green flat field.) anw why you nvr join dance? always thought you could dance well. bt haha fit is good!! :D bt you really hv to let it go and try to adapt..its only less thn 2 mths left..you still hv shuqi and kermin and everyth..you still hv me!! i used to dwell A LOT, thinking hw inferior ths ws to st nicks and hw my state ws beyond pathetic and i'd go to school really really upset and crying everyday ALONE..yeah so sad right. i'd miss tings a lot. really a lot la. nvr felt ths way before. bt everyone tld me only i determine the situation im in..and after i tried talking to them and opening up, things started getting better. really! i used to think everyone ws weird and tht theyre all so different frm the friends i had but after a while i realised maybe they thought i ws weird cos i ws the only one w tht long face and mouth kpt shut every day. jst try to make the best out of the situations and accept the way things hv turned out to be..and nw practically everyone is ok! theyre really nice. of course there are v argh times bt i guess its part and parcel..dnt nd to hv really close friends la..jst get along and all. ok bt i guess i really dnt hv the right to tell you to try to adapt and whtever like i tried to cos your situation might be different frm mine..dnt be too upset k..lots of ppl love you silly girl. yeah havnt heard frm you for a week+!!!!!!! thought youre qt happy alr. sigh. really hope you'd be alright..cos i ws reallyreallyreally upset too. no matter what yknw im only a call/msg away..i'll always be thr for you, to catch you when you fall! ths is lyk so michelle branch. bt anw catch up soon!!!!! i miss you too!!! a lot!!!! bt you always stp msging aft a while :( ooh its ryan cabrera nw. sigh. reminisce the days whn we'd go your house during the hols and laze around. mm. anw ok ths weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! promise :)

1. i do nt portray you as someone insenstive, heartless.
2. i do nt portray you as someone brand conscious or whatever.
3. i spend every single day missing you

and youre damn pissed with me behind my back and everything.
i reread my words and i knw now it sounds bad. bt i swear, those werent the intentions. i was jst merely saying.
i thought i only had you.
but i was wrong.
i just found out i have nothing. nothing at all.

this is a thousand times worse thn a thousand orientation days at cj.
this is indescribable.
what are best friends for?
yknw you can tell me anyth to my face. (ok maybe nw we cant do it face to face bt still. you can tell me.) and on my birthday?
you dont knw how you hurt me to find things out ths way.

youre a flower in my hair.

How I wish,
How I wish you were here,
We're a world of lost souls,
swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground,
what have we found?
the same old fears,
I wish you were here.
-googoo dolls.

realised i hvnt been blogging about wht ive been doing recently..erm recall..
backtrack to tues ; dear sis came cj to pick me up..haha due to the trauma the prev day. so sweet huh :) thn err had taka food w her+eugene. weds ; dance, horrid. thurs ; met up w dinah+mina! wyn crashed mi so she came along w dinah for a while. had unbelievably HOT sizzling hot ramen at cine then watched fockers. so lame, the show. martha focker. hahah. fri ; dance again, supp to meet aileen aft tht bt didnt..sorry! sat ; towned w dinah+da..mina cldnt make it :( were v stony and moody. da tried to lighten the mood bt hah. we were incorrigible. walked around and blah. bought yet anothr mango tee and an electric blue spag..its too friggin bright. gonna exchange it for smth else tmrw. then went kino..blahblah.

and tdy, yawn. jst did math hmwk. got an lit essay to pen :|
sigh. school rocks ah.

or am i standing still
beneath the darkened sky
or am i standing still
with the scenery flying by
or am i standing still
out of the corner of my eye
was that you
passing me by

:) ive nvr felt so tired yet contented (quite)..jc life is busybusybusy! ok i still town but the thing is, every minute is really spent doing something. err. yea, stoning, singing, talking and checking out * included, but yea. seriously occupied also la. mm, maybe after 2 years of being in cj, i wont hv flabby thighs anm. all tht pe! :|

aights. i kinda like my clsmates! :) and i love da, mina, dinah, yins, ree, nana! :D thanks for being thr for me whn i ws unbearably pessimistic. ive nvr felt closer to you guys. and of cos, my terribly sympathetic best friend tings, youre being perpetually missed.. :( :( :( :(

yay! my days are getting better :)

thanks to all! hehe. nana told me 'see! chey. you ah, v irritating!'
i'll box her very soon.

'you are bored, i am card, together we are cardboard' -eugene
:|

kinda like my clsmates now :) bt im damn worried tht things will screw up again..cos i think my words and thoughts are jinxed..lyk whn i think things are good, the next day things get really fucked all over again. ok touch wood..

ok pe ws lyk..pui. were supp to run for 20mins non stop!! nuts. ran 10 rounds. which is lyk 3.3km, if im nt wrong. i cant believe it! ive nvr ran so much bfore in my entire life. and the GST and push ups are really getting to me. our tcher has a habit of singing to himself whn he gets us to hold on in tht push up position. faints. aching all ovr nw. oh yea and aft pe everyone sitting around my area suddenly will smell lyk oceanus. take my body spray la..haha. and thr ws dance jst nw..damn screwed!! hahah. rubbishy..bt mich chow ws lyk freaking good. n ooh think da got in the syf! yay! congrats girl. and the nudgenudge thing tht you found out is lyk, so sweet!! aww..hahah.

and i ws half blind the whole day..one side of my contacts were irritating me so i threw it on the floor.


cj is obsessed w pe. i hv pe consecutively for 3 days..thrs still tmrw to anticipate. ha ha..
:|

steph sigh. long story. tell you anothr day whn we FINALLY meet..been so long! too long! ..cross stitch is so ystd. and besides, im in a v poor condition. yknw whn i sneeze of laugh my rib cage area hurts lyk hell. freaking pe. situps and everyth. ive nvr bn more sporty i tell you. IVE always been the weak tofu!! so hw's sch nw? better right? i love you too! miss you a lot a lot a lot a lot. a lot. ):

jolene heyy. haha no la. the cls seems to be better everyday :) thanks for everyth ah. shit, dance ws horrid. need to hole up in a corner and nvr come out..haha. psst. tell you abt * tmrw. shhh. hahah.

sq momsie!! i miss you alot -sniffs. hahahha. MATH TOYS. i see. haha my cls is ok la..bad day tht day. tell you anothr day! yea we GOTTA meet! k? looove. (:

im talking to tings online now. we're having a v nice conversation on *. excpt she kps insisting tun is better. ok inside joke. off! :)

for tings

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you

And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning

that may be all i need.

ok i hv abso fucking lutely no comments about my day.
maybe jst more negative feedbacks.
guess im back to the cry-everyday cycle.
i swear, i never thought things could be ths bad. talked to people. thanks for cheering me up when i needed you guys..you all rock.
and GET THIS. if you dont understand me and that im going through a horribly rough patch, jst back off. i dont need your comments about how i seem to attend a triple science cls in sec school filled w nerds cos im so quiet and dont share the same level of humour (your i------- jokes). everybody is different. and i dont understand you. but you dont see me asking you why youre such a..whatever, do you? i really dont need this. we're of different wavelength, frequency, whatever. ok i believe ive said enough. shall stop right here bfore i get more pissed and get more critical.
whatever.
good day.

outrageous, so contagious.

heh. ok i change my mind..cj is really quite okay. cos my clsmates are really nice and all. i shall try to fit in and stop whining..let's jst say tht previous concerns shall not be as paramount. aiya. im jst being caught in a paradox.
anyway. ystd went out w da and friends..ws qt fun. in a mellow way. i suck at all arcade games la. so embarassing, losing like every game. anw. caught up w freda kwokie dsf..she and her eye candy :| youre seriously unstraight, girl. mpfh, sleepy and tired.
BUT! still gonna meet xin and the rest ltr :)

happy 17 bday dinah. i love you!

i miss everyone. ltr ltr.
ooh, saw pic of st nicks cheer squad in the mpr in the newsppr. haha i even miss the mpr! lame..but yea. rmb hw sports day used to be. screaming and jumping and all. i'd be cheering for st nicks damn willingly now. so weird to say cj rocks when i dont completely sing the same tune..
tsk, cant believe seed of chucky is m18. when i turned 16, i thought pg freak was over. hello nc16. but apparently..times have progressed :|

jolene heyy. obliged to write positive stuff abt our cls nw tht youre signing my gbk. haha kidding. anwayyy. thanks dear :) you made me smile lahh. haha.

damn worn out but still came online!
ok my rantings sounded so pathetic. but yea im glad to say this entry carries a lighter note..came to realise tht my cls is actually ok la..jst cldnt adapt at the beginning. but still. damn sad tht thr are no girly girls in my cls. oh well. at least everyone is nice. including the facilitator (who's also hunky btw haha) and people are damn lame. and through ths ive become less anti-nerds and racist. BUT STILL. no girly girls. its really damn saddening. nobdy to shop with :( or talk to. bt nvm. i shall resume my own girliness. thrs ths cute j2 guy :) hehe. nothing is gonna stop me..! frm being girly, tht is. sigh. how life changes within a few months. i cant believe it, i really cant. i miss tings a lot. hell damn lot. no one knows how much. i can like, cry anytime when i think about it. which is damn stupid and sad la. bt i cant help it. sigh.
anw. im now known as tweety..cos of ths performance. i hope i wsnt too sucky cos the mask ws huuuge. i cldnt see properly. skipping about randomly. reminds me of brownian motion. hahaha. ok i miss secondary school life. i miss st nicks. fucken much.

life..has never been worse.
i find myself crying every single fucking day ever since day 1 of the orientation. i miss huang weiting and all my friends and st nicks and my whole class (yes including jam..im sorry ive been mean..i love you now) like damn fucking much. and i have NO appetite at all ever since day 1. believe it or not, today i only ate 1/3 of a plate of fried noodles, 2 cans of green tea and breakfast at home. and now i dont even feel like eating dinner. stomach just stopped feeling hunger at all. i think im gonna shrivel up and die soon. i havent laughed, as in REALLY SO FUNNY kinda laughter since god knows when. i havent had a girly talk since monkey years ago. i havent discussed about books, makeup, clothes, cute guys, tv shows, since forever. i havent gossiped about anyone or anyTHING. i didnt even complain about my nails breaking. not a squeak. i didnt even think about being flat chested till like, now, when im thinking what i havent been doing. i havent had a nice talk. i havent been to town though my school is fucking near. ive been going home alone every single fucking day. i havent felt AT ALL any teeny weeny bit of ease in the school unlike st nicks. i havent hugged anyone for decades. i got into trouble on the 2nd day of school cos i was TALKING. as in huge trouble. cos i was talking. WOW, IM SORRY FOR TALKING..i hate the way things are now. i can see that the facilitators are trying to spice things up but i dont see what the fuck is so fun about cj. i really dont. im not, i reitarate, im not having a good time. at all. all ive achieved are blisters on my feet and cuts on my fingers from kayaking. i spend every day getting worn out and being busy doing NOTHING THAT I LIKE AT ALL. i mean, people are nice and all but..its just not the same. every day i sit with my class keeping quiet and laughing when appropriate. and as i can see, everyone else is having fun. well, good for you. i feel like dying. no kidding. so yea, have a great time man.

first day

was boring boring boring..admin stuff. mass dance ws horrid. think my partner (hes a guy) danced better than me..i shall go hole up in a corner. ws too sleepy w a headache to evn open my eyes..sigh. shoulda tried to sleep early and wake up early in the hols lyk a nutcase..prob is i cant sleep early anm..sigh. shall force my eyes shut..btw btw IM TALKING TO TINGS!! online :) teehee. made my day. or my night. whtever. -grins! sigh i miss her. lyk damn fucken a lot. feeling lyk a little junior loser in the new school. though its nt intimidating or anyth. i want st nicks!! i want my life back to normal. ths is very sucky. oh well. hope tmrw will b better..see ya'll..at the bus stop :( mm, shall try to stop being morbid and depressing..i cant live without tings to gossip with..life is meaningless.. :(

HAPPY 2005!! (:

blogged that title last night..i mean, this morning when i reached home..too tired to blog more so i went to sleep..haha continuation now! 2pm. anw, was really fun, counting down with da, mina, dinah, jade then yimin joined us ltr..(she actually cabbed frm the airport aft landing from some other country!) haha. sprayed like nuts la. screaming and laughing. was still damn psyched till i fell asleep.

anyway. thurs was spent with ree!! i love that girl to bits and pieces! haha tht reminds me of the shop bits and pieces. we bought earrings!! cheaper than that stupid heeren pok shop which conned innocuous me. hmrpf. cunning and sly. and we also went nuts in borders..books galore!! bought 2 gossip girls and pride and prejudice..and i jst realised i bought book 1 and 4 of gossip girls! and nw tht im done w book 1 i cant go on and read book 4 cos tht'll be like, jumping. grr. feeling cheated nw. shall go get books 2 and 3. and the worst thing is tht its nt even fantastic..prefer shopaholic and all. the contents seem childish, as in, like, quite lame..but i still wanna read! bad bad..anw we were so poor we could only gaze longingly at the books we wanted..haha 50bucks for a book, im not up to it, sadly. rather spend it eating or at the mango sale. haha cos the thing about books is tht you cant tell if its genuinely good. as in, looks can be deceiving! waste of money la. nvr judge a book by its cover. and nowadays all those paperbacks are so pretty..haha. k, im on a roll.

thrs stacie oricco on the radio ; i promise. reminds me of steph. and then i remember : school's starting in 2 days!! ugh. grr. stomach's knotted with dread..eh. why stomach? and not, like brains knotted with dread? think my brains have been knotted enough. all that cramming for the o's. or maybe theyve already unknotted themselves after 1.5months of a stress-free lifestyle..haha im so crappy. suddenly recall how i stuffed myself ystd. ws eating 24/7. ate breakfast at around 12, ate lunch at delifrance w sis at 2+, then when i wenta meet mina syl and da, ate gelato ice cream (this reminds me! i bought tht on thurs w ree and freaking dropped it on the taka grid tiles after a few steps from the shop. traumatised.) then macs fries (was sneakily stuffing a fry by a fry into my mouth while the others pooled..) ..then a bite of mina's taiwanese sausage..then BIGG meal at subway!! yea, had lotsa tomatoes and turkey ham and breast and lettuces and bread ystd..thn aft tht i swore off food cos my stomach ws completely bloated. butt!! broke a bit of the subway cookie and made a wrong choice of putting it in my mouth..been eating tht ever since. irresistable la. couldnt stop..btw subway has really huuge and yummylicious cookies. cheapp also. ooh. as you can conclude, im such a pig. gonna balloon up like someone we saw in town soon.

gonna change my layout soon!! i like this one, but i dont like it enough to not change it. haha. whatever wendy.

mm, was reading the paper jst nw, and i started crying! i didnt even know i was snifling away till i reached for a tissue. sigh. devastasting and depressing la, all the stuff that fill the newspapers now. the newspapers has become like, a stack of papers with informative orbituaries in coloured photos. disasters..tidal waves..fires..blah blah. feeling kinda safe here in little singapore. haha. but then again, you never know what can happen.

tsktsk.
off!
thts all ive got to say,
cant think of a better way.
thts all i have to say,
i love you, is tht ok?

la di da.
i hope this year would be good. really really hope!